There are one million things to be done, and I am exhausted. Today was not as constructive as I wanted it to be. Granted, I was up until three thirty last night and did drink. Magners and good company make for too long a good night. But there's a lot to be done. Still.

My good friend is pregnant, three months along. She and her boyfriend are moving to California so she can be nearer to her family. I'm the godmother, and what a frightening thought. Come the end of July I'll be flying out there to visit them, and hopefully meet miz ella rodriguez or help them around the time of her birth. I wonder how the dog will take it.

Today found me purchasing seventy dollars worth of books for my project. Tonight I'll sort through the ones I bought and the ones I already had to make organizing themes and outlining my defense easier. Yesterday evening I met someone who is as obsessed with Foucault as I am, and we jumped and went mushy in the basement of the Barrow St. Alehouse. Nothing's funnier than philosophy peoples drinking and bumping brains.

Anyway. Time to do that sorting, and prep for tomorrow's work that should have been finished today.

a long time since I've updated.

And right now is just not the time do it!

why is my computer telling me it's january 16th?

i think i have something in my lungs, sick something. today reminded me of a day when being on advair really would have done me some good. plus, i'm hacking up some lovely green stuff yay!

tomorrow is a day off, i'm just gonna chill. i don't have a fever or anything, so i'm handling the chest tightness in stride. Going to take out lola and maybe meet Ashi for coffee or some such. BBAB for mixing bowls, pillow, spatula and one other thing, i don't know yet what. maybe ramekins or something.

life's been good. a lot of alone time lately because i just feel like chilling with myself. I went out Friday with a huge group and kicked it with four until 3 in the morning. my conversational skills, even with my bro, have been off. But Mattie and I completely killed it today. just awesauced the evening with chicken and mashed taters, killer blond roux, and chocolate chip cookie dough (via ben and jerry's).

The ever effervesent meli is flying back to california tomorrow. I'm gonna miss that girl. We've plans to visit each other at least once a year. Bicoastal friendship. I have three/four of those now. God, people don't stay in one place for long.

i sat with a friend today, visiting (both are leaving for northern cali come monday) and picked up the guitar for the first time in years. how awesome to have my fingers feel a little raw from the playing.

i'm sad that they're going. meli is such a person. vibrating, brilliant, lovely person.

what can you do?

this is a transitional city. i may not even stay here.

My older brother and I hung out tonight. We met at bed Bath and Beyond and he shopped with me for a mixing bowl (sale on pyrex, baby!), a steaming basket, spatula and a pillow. After that we went to Petco, he wanted to see if there was a lid available for his fish tank. He loves his Beta (Dorian) and enjoys finding random things to do with him. Tank improvements, community fish, etc. After that we spent a few hours at Bite eating. Bite is a lovely little cafe a friend introduced to me near Union Square. The group hangs out a lot at bars around that area (Thirsty Scholar, Continental, Shades of Green...), so it's fairly convenient for late night munches. He had the exotic tuna sandwich, i had half a side salad with half an eggplant pesto panini. We split the nutella and banana panini for dessert. Delicious!

For dinner I had roasted brussel sprouts. I called my mother because I'd never made brussel sprouts before, and she had -just- written down a recipe a few days ago for roasted ones. They came out delicious, and I was eating them like popcorn. A little pepper and salt, toss in olive oil, viola, wholesome toothsomeness!

Right now one roomie is cooking pasta. She's been boiling it for the last fifteen-twenty minutes. Call me a snob, but pasta cooked this long (and it's still cooking, mind) is absolutely disgusting. Glucose paste is all it'll be by the time she strains it. I shudder thinking about it. We are on opposite ends of the food-eating spectrum.

I'm hitting the hay soon. Going to do my dishes and cut up some broccoli and cauliflower for work tomorrow. Lunch is going to be leftover roasted brussel spourts, the cut-up veggies, garlic hummus, and an orange. I let lunch be my super duper healthy meal of the day. It keeps me from getting cranky at work, and it's food into which I've put a lot of time and effort, so I feel very positive eating it.

Dinner is usually a pita-pizza or something quick. Breakfast is oatmeal/multigrain hot ceral or cereal with milk and my cafe au lait (homemade). Sometimes it's a pita-pizza in the morning too, or a scrambled egg with saltza.

Anyway. I'm going to bed. I'm beat.


p.s. the pasta boiling has reached half an hour. Highly amusing.

Jonathan Lethem is an amazing absolute word genius. I highly suggest reading You Don't Love Me Yet, or anything really of his. He can turn a phrase better than most. Nearly every page has a stunner in it; something that, as a writer, I sit back and groan to myself "fuck, i wish i would have thought of that." But maybe it's better that lethem wrote whatever stunner i've been stunned by. that means he hasn't written the ones I've already got, bless his soul.

I haven't posted in a while. Everything is going fairly smoothly. i've been writing a lot on stories and personal essays, hoping that perhaps something will come of these little pieces and that I'll get published in an undergrad journal...ya know? And just honing my skills with the written word as a means of communicating the world as I see it, rather than omitting and changing what I'd not want to see within my view of the world.

I've yet to quite succeed, yet in the process I've met two readers/writers, and we've become friends. There are plans to introduce me to another (much stronger writer) to challenge me and my writing partner to greater stretches and thoughts.

I've done one class of Bikram Yoga, and I hope to continue in the future. I've started doing some westernized yoga at home in the mornings before heading out. It's enjoyable and relaxing. Simply doing the yoga makes me feel very good about myself, especially the Bikram. At one point I looked in the mirror at the studio (while covered in sweat, trembling with effort, having just fallen out of an asana), and thought: "wow, I can do this, I am beautiful, I have power in my body." It was an amazing moment that's hard to put into only words. I would encourage anyone who is physically capable of doing Bikram Yoga to do it.

I'm cancer free! Free free free!

Just gotta monitor until I have two negative Paps. Another colpo could happen at some point, but as of now...

I'M CANCER FREE!!

The procedure went well! The N.P. didn't see anything that indicated advanced cancer (yay!). If I do have cancer at all, she said, it's in the very early stages and highly treatable. Otherwise this is just something that needs to be monitored. I'm in the high risk category, so that means a pap every six months! How exciting! I'm gonna be great friends with my gyno!


i went out with one of my gal friends to celebrate. we had fun and ate a lot of food and had dessert. Now we're just chilling-out together on the couches. I've decided there is way too much silence governing "female problems" like this. Honesty doesn't really reign and it's very sugar coated. I'm quite excited to speak with my mother about what went on because she's frank with me and I enjoy hearing her experiences, and the truthfulness with each other that we've found in recent years.



On a slightly different note: I really don't recommend taking dr. seriously when they say 'there will be some slight discomfort.'

the sensation during endocervical curettage described as "menstrual cramps"? No way sister. not unless your menstrual cramps were deeply centered in your pelvis and violently sharp. having a curette plunge your cervix is not a 'slight discomfort.' it feels as painful as it sounds, but only for a moment is it that bad, and then it falls into a "kind of like menstrual cramps...but more like my uterus is cowering in a tight ball of a charlie horsed internal muscle" category of discomfort. and then only for a few hours. after that...definitely menstrual cramp quality...but in the cervix? it's hard to describe it, but these feel more tangible and "hard" (as in a textural quality) than the ebb and flow feeling of my menstrual cramps.

So...that's it. I feel much relieved that the test is done with, and the results are on their way. A weight has seriously been lifted from me. I am grateful for your prayers and good thoughts.

Thank you!

The infection is going AWAY! Tomorrow is the test! I am hoping to God that the infection is completely cleared by tomorrow...or at least the symptoms. I don't care if it comes back after 10:45am...just that I can have the test and know that the results on their way, and have everything taken care of.

Lord knows I really really don't want to permanently change my diet to one like this (I ate one raw clove of garlic, one cup nonfat greek yogurt [plain], 6 cloves roasted garlic, two sliced and cooked cloves on my pita pizza, and two tablespoons of crushed garlic as the spread on my pita pizza, and a tumbler glass of kefir [7/8 plain 1/8 strawberry] for dinner). No added sugar, no simple carbs, no honey for my tea, nothing with yeast.

Tomorrow after the test I am going to have a chocolate chai from Max Brenner.

Thank you for your prayers.

the face hurts ridiculously. i never want to get into an all out fight where hitting of the face is involved. getting clotheslined by a corrugated plastic construction sign is bad enough. can't imagine fists, elbows or feet slamming into my face.

my forehead and right cheek bone and nose are all swollen. bridge of my nose has skin torn off of it, and my eyeridge, right above my eyebrow is swelling and has an inverted "v" scratch + scraping.

ow. zee face is painful.

my appetite is seriously back. cool!

not feeling very well. Food (good, healthy food) has been making my tummy feel wonky. on the other hand, fried food i.e. french fries stay down very well and don't make me feel like crap (other than the crapiness of eating junk food). Today I'm trying to transition into healthier foods, a little at a time, to see if whatever was bugging me has gone away.

Breakfast was a few handfuls of lucky charms. I was at a friends house, and that's basically all they had. so when i got to campus i ate some chili with cheese and chips. Felt pretty good. only had about a cupful of chili, though. The chips were sunchips.

when I got home i had some canned corn and juice. I survived on Naked Juice last Friday...naked fruit juice, chocolate and a banana. That's what I had that didn't make me have the runs. Can you believe it?

one morning last week I ate a half bowl of oatmeal then had to throw the rest out because my gut hurt so bad. really really strange.

I'll have pasta for dinner tonight, and some kefir and fruit.

Tomorrow is a whole day of womynfolk. First it's hotdogs with the goddess, then dance class (world dances), and after world dance, dinner with mi mami, and going over to her house for the night, we're chillin'.

Tonight is my date. A date. I've checked the place out, it seems like a pretty dl kind of place. I'm excited. He and I have been talking for a little while, and we seem to get along fine via e-mail. It'll be nice to get out, and to actually leave the circle of friends behind for a while. We're all very close knit, like a genuine family (my "bro' and I are planning on adopting each other), but I guess the drama that ends up surrounding such a close knit unit can be trying at times.

Today I'm dressing pretty nice, not because of the date, but because we have a large event at the job, and I usually end up working them. Lola and I (my camera) will go along. The PR person might want some shots, we'll see. Usually I line manage and answer questions.

I'm actually running late, so I should be going, I just felt like putting a little post.

you know what would be amazing?

a soco and lime slurpee.

though, to clarify, alcohol is the last thing on my mind right now. stomach area is again, unhappy. again, with the feeling like someone's punched me in the gut. Saturday, but minus the whole run-over-by-a-semi feeling.

Right, so I'm supposed to feel like going on a date tomorrow night? I say it's good for me, but hey, the peep has already been forewarned. the place is supposedly lacking in the food area, but superb in the beer area. we shall see, shan't we? funny how i'm not worried about the person. oh, whims of mine will surely one day get me killed.

(whoops. the irony of that statement is not lost on me).

I'm drowning in a pile of work. Good Lord, I've missed aerobics once already this week, tonight will be the second time. Shet shet shet!

At least things will get done, and it's just this week that's so packed. I haven't taken Lola out for a while. Shame.

this week has been amazing.

Michel Foucault = certifiable genious.

ow, lymph nodes. owowow. no fever, no runny nose, no nothing except my ears hurt and I've been exhausted for the last few weeks.

owowow.

Oh well, I'm pretty fine elsewise. DITL this week, probably.

i think i am going to go digital. k10D pentax.

it's a lot of money, but i have enough of that right now.